


Try To Understand

by whoopsydaisie



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: (not rly tho), Angst, Autism, Autistic Enjolras, Autistic Marius, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Meltdown, i’m trying I swear, shutdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-24 03:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14347029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopsydaisie/pseuds/whoopsydaisie
Summary: Courfeyrac didn’t really understand why Marius acted the way he did, but he was going to try.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m not an expert. I’m writing a research paper about autism, but I am far from being an expert on the subject. So if I get anything wrong, please feel free to correct me. I was inspired to write this because I read about fifty pages of Anything But Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin and then was struck with this idea.   
> Warning: a lot of this fic depicts a meltdown. Also, this is unbeta’d and is literally something I put together in about an hour and a half.

  
Marius had trouble holding still. That didn’t really bother anyone considering the café was always buzzing with motion anyway, but Marius still sat on his hands and hooked his feet under his chair, trying to stay still. It didn’t work most of the time. Marius still found himself rocking a little bit or tapping his thumbs against his seat. Still, he tried to be still because that was what he was taught to do and if he sometimes murmured “stay still, be quiet” to himself, no one ever mentioned it. 

Sometimes Marius would stare blankly when someone told a joke and sometimes a girl would flirt with him, but he never responded. The only time he responded to a girls’ advances was when Cosette pretty much told him outright that she liked him. Since that day, Cosette was a large part of what he would talk about.

  
Once Courfeyrac pulled one of Marius’ hands out from under him by grabbing his wrist. Marius ended up yanking his hand away and then running it through his hair before excusing himself to use the restroom. Later, after the room had quieted and most of the people had left, Courfeyrac found Marius still sitting in the restroom. He tried to explain to Marius that he had only been trying to make sure the circulation to his hands wasn’t being cut off, but he was sorry if he overstepped a boundary. Marius just nodded silently and ran his hand through his hair once more. Courfeyrac decided to never pull a stunt like that again.

  
Instead, Courfeyrac did his homework. Courfeyrac silently took notes during meetings and watched Marius, taking note of his behavior. Courfeyrac also found himself watching Enjolras, noting many similar – although not identical – behaviors. For example, during meetings Enjolras would sometimes get excited and he would end up with his hands waving around his head in an almost frantic fashion. Courfeyrac noted that when Marius spoke about Cosette, he would sometimes become really happy and end up putting his hands next to his ears. The only difference between them was that Enjolras was constantly moving his hands whereas Marius would immediately stop what he was talking about while shoving his hands into his pockets.

  
“Hey, Marius, wait up. I needed to talk to you about something,” Courfeyrac shouted as he approached him one evening before a meeting. Marius didn’t answer, but slowed considerably. “I had a couple questions, but the main one is this: why do you sit on your hands all the time?”

  
Marius was quiet for a while and Courfeyrac started to regret asking. Maybe this was too personal or maybe he was reading too much into Marius’ behavior. Maybe Marius just had a lot of quirks just like everyone else, and if Marius seemed a bit more anxious than most people, it was probably because Courfeyrac was reading too much into it. Maybe-

  
“It helps,” Marius states. “With the moving. I move a lot, and I shouldn’t.”

  
“Why not?” Courfeyrac asked.

  
“Because I should be quiet, and moving a lot is distracting for everyone. It’s not - isn’t – I’m not doing it on purpose. I just have trouble with it sometimes.”

  
“Oh. Enjolras moves a lot, too.”

  
“Yes,” Marius nods. Courfeyrac watches him start twisting his fingers together in front of himself. “Enjolras should move a lot, he’s trying to get people’s attention.”

  
“Yeah, I guess. Why do you feel like you have to move a lot?” Courfeyrac inquires curiously.

  
“It feels too big sometimes. Like the entire world is happening right in front of me and I can’t stop it, it’ll just keep coming. And, you know, sometimes the café is really loud. It’s difficult to hold still when everyone else is moving and everything is loud, but I really should hold still.”

  
Courfeyrac was quiet for a while and noticed absently that Marius seemed to be looking at his eyebrows rather than his eyes. He mentally noted that Enjolras always either avoided eye contact or stared people down, with no casual in between, and he wondered if maybe Marius and Enjolras were more related than he thought.

  
“Well, the moving doesn’t really bother me. When you’re around me you can move as much as you want, I don’t mind. I don’t really think anyone else would mind either,” Courfeyrac said gently.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because Marius started running his hand through his hair like he usually did when he was nervous or upset.

  
“No, no they would mind.”

  
“I don’t think-“

  
“No! They would – I can’t – I shouldn’t,” Marius exclaimed. His breathing had picked up a little bit and Courfeyrac suddenly regretted bringing any of this up. “Quiet, quiet, quiet.”

  
Courfeyrac wasn’t sure if Marius was saying he wanted quiet or if he was telling him to be quiet, so he beckoned Marius towards to door that led outside. When Marius didn’t respond, Courfeyrac tried pulling him. To his dismay, Marius ended up yanking his arm violently out of his grip and Courfeyrac was vaguely reminded of the night he had tried to grab his wrist.

  
“Quiet, quiet,” Marius had turned away from him and was now gripping and releasing the sides of his hair in a rhythmic pattern. “Quiet! Quiet! Quiet, Marius!”

  
Courfeyrac felt himself blush. All of their friends were staring at them, along with a couple other people they didn’t know. He felt at a loss for what to do. Marius was freaking out for some unknown reason, and Courfeyrac couldn’t even touch him. Marius’ chant had changed from simply saying “quiet” to “quiet, Marius” and Courfeyrac started to wonder if the words really belonged to Marius. Marius had begun pacing and his hands had moved from his head to his ears and then, to Courfeyrac’s horror, to his mouth.

  
“Move,” he heard a voice behind him. It was Grantaire. “I got it, move.”

  
Courfeyrac stepped aside and watched silently as Grantaire approached Marius. Marius had begun to bite into his hand and he also seemed to be tearing up. His litany of telling himself to be quiet had gotten louder and more constant, even through his hand.

  
“Let go,” Grantaire said softly while pulling Marius’ hand out of his mouth. He quickly handed Marius two crackers. “Here, chew these instead. There you go.”

  
Marius had stopped talking, and while he was eating the crackers, he waved his free hand around his head. Grantaire watched him for a moment before placing his hands firmly against Marius’ ears after asking him to close his eyes. To Courfeyrac’s amazement, Marius obliged and started calming down. He was crying a little bit, but his hand slowed with his breathing. Grantaire slowly removed his hands after a while and then grabbed the edge of Marius’ sleeve, gently pulling him to an armchair. Marius sat down – his face was red and he seemed to be shaking a little bit, but he was calm as he leaned his head against a cushion in a tired manner.

  
“How did you do that?” Courfeyrac asked after Grantaire had placed his coat on Marius’ lap.

  
“It happens to Enjolras sometimes. I’ve known him for so long I kind of know what to do now,” Grantaire answered with a shrug. “Do you know what set him off?”

  
“No, I just told him that he didn’t have to be so still around me. I notice that he kind of stiffens up, but it looks difficult for him, so I just thought-“

  
“His grandfather,” another voice cut in. It was Enjolras. “You didn’t upset him, his grandfather did.”

  
“What?” both Grantaire and Courfeyrac asked in confusion.

  
“Marius’ grandfather always told him to be still and quiet. I think he used to punish Marius if he moved too much, but I’m not sure. Marius never really went into detail. Anyway, I think when you said that it freaked him out because he’s never heard that before.”

  
Courfeyrac frowned and looked over at Marius who was now sleeping peacefully. “I didn’t know that.”

  
“I think there’s a lot about Marius we don’t know,” Grantaire murmured while taking a swig from his wine bottle. “But learning is your thing, isn’t it, Courfeyrac?”

Courfeyrav nodded and Grantaire handed him a small bag of crackers. Courfeyrac didn’t quite understand Marius, but he planned to one day. 


	2. Shutdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras experiences some unexpected occurrences that cause a shutdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is highly inspired by Enjolrasisautistic who commented on the first chapter of this. Firstly, I’m so glad you liked it and I’m so happy you thought it was a good representation. Secondly, thank you so much for this idea - I hope I did it justice.   
> Side note: I am not an expert and I must admit, while I know what a shutdown is, I’ve seen a lot of differing info on it, so if I got something wrong, please feel free to let me know! Also, still not beta’d and this too was cranked out in less that two hours.

Enjolras liked schedules. He liked having everything carefully planned out ahead of time. He liked having time to prepare for situations. Enjolras liked consistency and he liked being in control of situations, which was probably why he was the leader.

Being organized had its' perks, and while consistency was lovely, you couldn't always rely on it when dealing with people. So when Joly came in with his new friend, Enjolras was surprised to say the least.

"Hey everyone, this is Claude! I thought I'd take him to one of the meetings, and you know, no time like the present," Joly introduced cheerfully while sitting down.

Claude shyly shook most of their hands, but when he came to Enjolras he was greeted with blank staring. Claude decided to take the lead on this situation, and so he made a grab for Enjolras' hand. Upon touching his skin, Enjolras yanked his hand back like he had been burned.

"Um, go ahead and sit, sit down, everyone-one," Enjolras stuttered out and everyone took their seats. Grantaire studied him curiously for a while. Enjolras rarely stuttered, especially not during a meeting. However, Grantaire had seen this before. It's what happened when the bakery they went to on Thursday mornings at 8AM changed their scone fillings from raspberry to blueberry. It's what happened when the dry cleaner sent back a red pea coat, but not the pea coat that belonged to Enjolras. It was happening now as Enjolras watched people start to sit down in the wrong order.

"So, what exactly are we doing here?" Claude whispered to Joly because Enjolras was now just staring at everyone, slowly scanning the tables rather than talking about anything. "Is he okay?"

Joly’s eyebrows furrowed but he nodded. He glanced over at Grantaire who seemed to be considering whether or not he should do something or just see if Enjolras would work it out. He could see the small movement of Enjolras tapping his thumb and then pointer finger against his leg, but other than that, Enjolras remained motionless. Grantaire started to stand up when suddenly Enjolras just walked away. He heard a couple of their friends laugh nervously and Courfeyrac start whispering to Combeferre about whether one of them could run the meeting in Enjolras' absence.

"Where did he go?" asked Jehan.

"I think he went home," Combeferre answered woefully.

"What bothered him so much, then?" Claude inquired in a sarcastic tone.

"Nothing bothered him, it's just stuffy in here," Grantaire snapped. "I'll go find out where he is, you guys can just hang out for a while. I think the meeting is officially canceled."

On his way out, Courfeyrac handed Grantaire a bag that was divided into two sections. One half had "Enjolras" written on the inside and the other half had "Marius" written. Grantaire and Courfeyrac had decided to make an emergency bag and usually one of them had it with them. The bag had been filled with chewy objects, squishy things, various fabrics, and weighted blankets. They hadn't had to use the bag too many times since acquiring it, but it was nice to have around.

Grantaire took the bag and started walking out the door. To his horror, upon walking outside he was met with Enjolras sitting in the middle of the street with what looked like no intentions of moving. It had started raining and the water seemed to roll right off of Enjolras hair just like Grantaire's words seem be incapable of penetrating Enjolras' ears.

“Enjolras, you have to get out of the street!" Grantaire exclaimed softly while running up to him. "Enjolras, come on, I don't want you getting hit."

Enjolras just stared blankly past him. It was like Enjolras was somewhere else physically, and Grantaire had trouble helping him in these situations. However, Enjolras was still sitting directly in the middle of the street, in danger of getting hit and in danger of getting sick from getting soaked. With a sigh, Grantaire glanced around at the mostly empty streets and then sat down next to Enjolras. He searched in the bag and sighed in satisfaction when he found the thick blanket he'd bought for Enjolras years ago. He placed it around Enjolras' shoulders and was pleased when Enjolras didn't pull away. Enjolras didn't really react much at all, so Grantaire decided to sit with him in the middle of the street, keeping watch and making sure nothing would come to run them over.

They stayed like that for about and hour, and thankfully Grantaire only ended up having to ask two people to just turn on the street before the one they were on. They obliged and Grantaire found himself being very grateful it was so late at night and that few college students had any sort of transportation.

Eventually, Enjolras started to stir. It started with slow blinking and then Enjolras looked directly at Grantaire, his expression alarmed.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I think maybe I should be asking you that question," Grantaire answered softly. "What set this off? Was it Claude?"

"No, yes, no. Yes and no. Yes, Claude contributed but I thought I could just go home and it would be okay but then it started raining and it was too loud and too wet and Combeferre wasn't sitting next to Joly, Claude was, and Courfeyrac was sitting on Marius' right side instead of his left side like he always does and then Claude was dressed so brightly and it was just...too much. It was really loud in there, wasn't it?" Enjolras asked.

"I would say more stuffy than anything."


End file.
